The Secret

I just recently started writing this story, and decided to post what I have so far, hoping to get some feedback to improve it. Enjoy

THE SECRET

As I sat on the edge of my window, staring outside, watching the day pass me by. I tried to forget what happened that night, while watching the thick, bumblebee rain drops cover the dark concrete, making it look like a black river, wishing that it would consume me. In front of everyone I pretend to be perfect, like nothing happened, but here, inside my room, was the only place that I could break that perfect facade. Everyone thought I was ok. No one knew the truth. No one ever even bothered to look beyond the surface, but Gram would see right through it, and he would try to get me to tell him what was wrong, but I won’t risk telling him the truth, for fear that he would leave me. So I would say that I have a lot of work to do and that I was just tired. But we both knew I wasn't telling the truth.

I knew that I would never be the same again. I just wanted to go back, and change everything. I never should have gone to that party. There was Know one to blame but myself. I just wanted to forget it all, but I wouldn't. I would never forget. The memory stuck to me like glue. Consuming every last thought I had. My once pleasant dreams now nightmares. It's like an incurable cancer that would soon take my like.

The more I thought about what happened, the crazier I got. I felt the tears stinging my eyes as they ran down my pallid face. I was alone. Oh Gram I thought to myself. The more I thought about telling him what happened, the more I began to cry. I hadn't even told my parent's. They would be so ashamed of me if they found out. I felt a cloud of hate in my heart. It was all my fault. If only if I left when I wanted to, then this would have never happened. I wondered if Gram would still love me. Would he look at me any differently?

I remember the first time I saw him. It was my first day at Athena High. I had just moved from California. Entering my sophomore year. It was about a year, and a half ago, but I remember it as if it were yesterday. It was lunch time, and I was sitting alone on the bleachers right across the football field. It was so peaceful, quite, and it smelled of freshly cut grass. I remember breathing in all the fresh air, and letting myself relax.

I was drawing a portrait on my sketchpad with my professional colored pencils, and that's when it happened, when my life changed for the better. I looked up, and saw a tall, shirtless boy with short dark curly surfer boy hair, with piercing hazel green eyes, and a soccer player's body to kill for. He was breathing heavily as if he had just been jogging. He came, and was taking slow, deep breaths. he reached for a duffel bag from underneath the bleachers that I hadn't realized was there before, and took out a water bottle. He was sitting three benches away from me, so it wasn't that hard to make out his perfect features, from his perfect sharp jaw line, to his slightly crocked nose that fit him perfectly, to his hypnotic cat like eyes that pierced right through you.

I don't blush easily, but watching him made my face heat up. He set the water bottle down, then started looking around. I quickly looked down at my drawing, pretending to be captivated by it. I waited a minute or two before looking back up. But when I did, he wasn't there anymore. Instead he was standing right in front of me. My eyes grew wide, and I jumped back in my seat. He began to laugh, and then apologized for startling me. All I could do was blush. Ever sense then, we've been inseparable.

I left the edge of my window and walked to my bed. I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. The memory of what happened that night haunted my dreams. I laid down on the side of my stomach, watching the clock above my desk tick away. The desk was filled with pictures of me and Gram, looking at the pictures filled my heart with guilt, and even more hatred toward myself. I don't like keeping secrets from Gram, but I had to. To save what we have, but I knew deep down that eventually I had to tell him each tick of the clock made me feel even sicker. Each tick got me closer to the fact that I would have to tell Gram what happened. I felt so dirty in my own skin. I felt like I was going to vomit all over the place. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't stand myself. I couldn't see or think straight. What's happening? I thought to myself.

I got up from my bed and ran to my bathroom. Next thing I knew I was kneeling over the toilet puking my guts out. I had a splitting headache. I got up all the strength I had and turned on the shower. I took my clothes off and hopped in. It felt as if the steaming hot water washed away all my problems and fears. I must have been in the shower for hours. Even when the water turned icy cold, I stayed in the shower. I felt dead, as if my soul had been taken from me and there was no point for me to live. The guilt penetrating every thought. It was unbearable.

I got out of the shower, but it wasn't me. It was like the lights were on, but nobody was home. I wasn't home. I was dead inside. I looked at myself in the mirror, after putting my clothes on. My once bright green eyes were now red, as well as my nose. I was sure people would mistake me for Rudolf the red-nose- reindeer. My eyes were extremely puffy from all of the crying I didn’t put any effort into my hair, but then again I never had to. My hair always had a cretin glow to it, it radiated in the sun making it look blonder than it really was.

I went back, and sat in the middle of the bed. I have to tell Gram! I thought to myself. It was killing me inside. I can't take it anymore. I have to tell him now. Unthinkingly I got up to get the phone and slowly dialed his number. My hands were trembling. The sound of the hollow ringing made my heart beat faster and faster. Finally, it stopped.

"Hello?'' The sound of his voice made me feel safe inside, like nothing could hurt me; but I was still afraid. "Hey Gram, it's me Kasie,'' My voice was shaky and raspy from all the crying."Oh, hey babe, you ok? You sound like you've been crying''.

I stifled a sniffle so that I wouldn’t confirm his guess

''No, I've just been hangin out in my room. I was just wondering if you could come over.'' I felt as if my heart was going to burst out of my chest. My head was spinning. I was trying as hard as I could to keep my voice in control.

''Yeah sure, my shift ends in half an hour. I'll come as soon as I'm off.'' he said

I tried to take deep breaths through my nose to try and calm myself down. Only half an hour to get everything straight. Only half an hour until the truth comes out.

''sure, ok'' despite my efforts my voice did not sound in control.

'' Are you ok, you sound strange," he said. I knew he would pick up on the fact that something was wrong. I can't hide anything from him. Even if I tried.